How to make a Purrfect Cappuccino

Wake up really, REALLY late
Get out of bed even later
Be home alone, so you don’t have to share
On your way to the kitchen switch the telly on
In the kitchen, check what’s in the fridge
If there is milk, get it out, check the expiry date*
If there is no milk, refer to “How to make a Purrfect Espresso”
Find your coffee**
Start your coffee machine
If it doesn’t start, refer to “How to make a Purrfect Instant Coffee”
If it starts, froth the milk, brew the coffee, combine the two
Dust with chocolate or cinnamon, add sugar or anything else you fancy
Take your coffee and whatever else edible you found in the fridge
Go to your living room
Sit in front of your telly, drink your coffee, eat your breakfast
Call your friends who are either: a)working b)fasting
Tell them exactly what you are doing
Enjoy your Purrfect Cappuccino
Make another one
Get someone else to wash up after you

*Whether the milk expired or not, it’s your only choice

**Make friends at Starbucks and get it for free



How to make a Purrfect Espresso

Wake up really, REALLY early (not by choice)
Shower, get dressed, pack your work bag
Drag your bottom to the kitchen
Check what’s in the fridge
Find your coffee
Start your coffee machine
If it doesn’t start, refer to “How to make a Purrfect Instant Coffee”
Brew enough coffee for two
Go to your living room with two cups of coffee
Enjoy your Purrfect Espresso
Watch your partner doing a mad dash around the house getting ready
Watch your partner drink cold espresso
Accept all the gratitude gracefully
Repeat next morning


How to make a Purrfect Instant Coffee

Realise that there is no such thing as Purrfect Instant Coffee
Read the instructions on the can, follow instructions
Drink your Purrfect Instant Coffee
Fix your coffee machine