Cat in the Gulf: If Islam ruled the world

We were sitting and talking one lazy afternoon in my house. My friend – pretty local girl, miles of lashes and heavy black shiny locks, lovely smile showing off her pearly whites, thick black kohl accentuating her already deep, beautiful brown eyes. Blue jeans, pink shirt, fancy beaded Moroccan flats. Abaya and headscarf thrown casually on the other sofa. Let's call her Miriam.
'Why are you so negative towards Islam, Cat?' asks Miriam, absent-mindedly flipping through my husband's FHM magazine. 'You just don't know how nice it is'.
'Me? Negative?' I am somewhat unprepared for this question. 'No way. I am not negative at all. And I am pretty sure it's very nice. Maybe I am a bit sceptical... It's just – well, you know me, I am not a believer. I am just as sceptical towards Christianity, only it's a bit closer to home, so I am kind of used to it. But the whole idea of believing in God – I guess you have to be brought up with it. My parents are both atheists, you know.'
'Really? But that's horrible! How can you not believe? How can THEY not believe? Your parents?' A look of genuine surprise in her exotic eyes, fingers still turning pages.
'I don't know, it happens. Where I come from, some people are really religious. Some are not at all. I guess I fall into the latter.'
'But... wouldn't it be nice if everyone believed in God?' she asks, almost pleading, almost naïve.
'I don't know, Miriam. I think it would be better if people were more tolerant to the beliefs of others.'
'Yes of course... everyone should be tolerant. Islam is the religion of tolerance, you know.'

I didn't have an answer to that, and so I rose to get some more water from the kitchen. I am a terrible host, and my house is totally devoid of any kind of treats to offer our rare guests. Miriam got hold of the remote and started zapping the channels, magazine still on her lap.
'Tell me why you think Christianity is better than Islam' she demands, transfixed on the presenter of some afternoon talk show.
'I don't think anything like that, silly.' I put a glass of water in front of her and try to pull FHM from her hands. Impossible.
'Let me! I don't have anything like that at home! This is so funny!'
'Yes I know it's funny, I also suspect it's totally haram, so good Muslim girls shouldn't!'
Miriam retaliates by smacking me on my thigh with the magazine. 'Oh shut up, Cat.' Giggles. 'Stop being so damn sarcastic. Better look at this one's ass.'
Few minutes and lots of giggling later we are done comparing models and she says 'Don't you mind your husband looking at all these girls?'
'Nope.'
'Why?'
'Why should I?'
'Well, he has you, doesn't he?'
'Yes he does, but I am not a model.'
'So what? He should adore you as you are.'
'I am sure he does.'
'And yet he looks at these girls? Why?'
'They are very pretty. I like looking at them too. And obviously, so do you!'
Miriam slams the magazine shut, 'I don't!'
'Well give it back then!'
'No! I am not done yet!' She opens the magazine again and changes the channel on the telly. 'Look, look, Shakira! I love Shakira!' MTV channel... just in time for the video. I love this Colombian chick too, especially her last song. So I watch the video and Miriam jumps up trying to copy Shakira's moves. To my utter envy she actually manages pretty well. 'See? Like that!'
To me, Miriam looks thousand times better than any model in FHM. And there, I have it! 'You know why I don't mind my husband having those magazines? These girls, they are not real. They are just paper and paint.'
'Yeah yeah whatever. They are gorgeous! And so is Shakira!' The dancing continues until the end of the video clip. She is so uninhibited, really, Miriam. I don't think I would be able to just jump up like that in front of her and shake my stuff. I guess years of serious girl partying do make an impact.

She falls on the sofa next to me and grabs the water. 'Still, I think it would be great if all people were Muslims.'
'Why, Miriam?'
'There would be no wars any more.'
She has a really good point, I have to give her that. I think most conflicts are religion based. Yet, I am not convinced.
'Miriam, can you imagine how much I will have to give up if everyone just converted to Islam?'
'Like what? You would gain so much more!'
And she went on telling me about all the nice things that Islam would give people. Mostly it had to do with families being closer, women being more protected, and of course everyone eventually going to heaven. While she was at it, I made a small mental list of things that will be no more should proper Islam rule the world. Just off the top of my head:

- FHM magazines
- Shakira videos
- bacon sandwiches
- figure skating championships
- all other professional sports with female athletes
- women's tennis (I love tennis, so it gets its own category)
- portraits and statues
- Christmas
- wine and wine bars
- prom dances
- beauty pageants
- dating
- Hollywood movies
- Gothic cathedrals and beautiful mass music
- seaside open air night clubs in Athens
- knock-out piña coladas
- Copacabana babes in bikinis

I could go on thinking and counting... but I chose not to. Instead, I told Miriam about some of the things that I would surely miss.
She looks at me incredulously and laughs: 'Yes, it's hard to imagine you without your tennis.'
She finally puts the magazine down and looks at her diamond studded watch. 'Habibti, I have to get dressed. My sister will be here soon to pick me up.' She stands up and wraps up in her abaya and headscarf. How come she look gorgeous in this stuff?? When I tried them on (of course I did, lol, I am a girl, we try things) I looked like refugee nun from Albania. Miriam, on the other hand, looks like royalty. Her mobile starts wailing with some ear splitting arabic tune. That must be her sister, already in the compound coming to pick her up and go to some relatives' house. Miriam kisses my cheeks and whispers in my ear as her sister stops her car in front of the house:
'Don't tell her about the magazine.'