Cat in the Gulf: Lets talk about sex

I promised a fun post after slumbering for a while. I also promised I wouldn't talk about religion and politics. The wholy trinity of fun blog topics is well known: 1. Religion 2. Politics 3. Sex. As you can see, that didn't leave me with much to choose from :P

My (only slightly) sexually frustrated friend Midget (Dohagirl) has just posted this little warning to the guys who don't perform up to standards. Although I might disagree when it comes to personal preferences, I do believe that she has a good point there: a man who knows what he is doing is definitely worth his weight in precious stones, and this is what I find really strange. I mean, how difficult can it be to please a girl?? Provided, of course, that the girl is not some frigid prude or a lazy diva who probably doesn't know herself what she wants but still expects the man to do all the work.

At this point I should probably remind you that this blog belongs to an uninhibited Western girl and if you are offended by any or all of its contents, you should probably just leave.

So what does it really take to rock our world? Apart from the obvious things that come to mind (personal hygiene, bedroom etiquette, physique, technique and stamina) there are lots of other highly personal elements that can be crucial to the achievement of the ultimate goal.

And at this point I should probably reassure you that this is NOT the way I usually sound but I do have a nagging suspicion that not all those people who should have left my blog by now have done so. Therefore I better sound idiotically scientific than whorrific. Yes I know how to spell, thank you.

Anyway, back to the point. It is no secret that the key to please your girl is to spend enough time with her to figure out, often by trial and error method, what she does and does not like. Usually in the beginning of the relationship general excitement of being together would take care of the minor glitches, but a few weeks into it a man should have a pretty solid idea of what is expected of him. (Here I was hoping to post some statistics for your review, but Qtel takes good care of us by blocking all the relevant sites so you'll have to do without).

One of the most common bedroom faux pas men are guilty of is selfishness. I guess it's pretty self explanatory. Since we no longer believe that the sole purpose of sex is conceiving a child, since we already know that women can climax and since there is so much educational material available (well maybe not in Qatar), it is unforgivable that some men still believe it's OK to ignore girls' needs. A man may not succeed (some women can't climax at all, by the way, and here I was going to post more statistics but alas) but he has to do his very best to give us what we need. We will appreciate that.

Another mistake is failing to tune in. It is truth universally acknowledged that women are complicated creatures, much more so than men. We have moods, we have our moments, we have our emotional needs, we have periods, cramps and PMS, sometimes we are not into it, sometimes we can't get enough, sometimes we want you to be rough and demanding while we happily submit, other times we want you to take it easy, or let us take the lead. If something worked for you one day it doesn't mean you should stick to it forever expecting the same result or get mad when it just doesn't do it the other day. Try different things, try to match your technique to our mood, experiment with different ideas. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, nothing is going to work, it's the fact of life. We are designed this way, it's not our fault, and the sooner you understand it and learn to cope with it the better for you :P

Also, don't expect a girl to do a brazilian just because your ex did. If you think that she should - go have one yourself first and then come back and talk about it. If she wants to do it - that's her own personal choice. If she doesn't - let it be. You can voice your preferences of course, but you can't enforce them.

3anooda mentioned something about faking in the comments. I don't know as to how common it is, and to be honest I can't understand why girls even bother. Is it to make the guy feel better, while missing out herself? Is it to let him know she's had enough and it's time to wrap it up? I've got no clue. Ideas, anyone?? I mean, it's relatively easy to tell if she's faking but I won't tell how on my blog, the girls might kill me!

Fish has a valid point. Saliva may not be everyone's thing. While most people don't mind it, some people do. Guys, invest in lube. You may not need it (if you are that good or if your girl is that into you), but if you do you better have it. Otherwise you risk putting your girl out of business for a while. Especially if you're not lacking...

Pillow talk. This can be a huge turn on and it can also ruin pretty much everything so tread lightly. As you can see in the comments there are few examples of what Fish, for instance, doesn't like to hear :P We do like to hear nice stuff, and at the same time we might be naughtier than you expect. Try something more or less neutral and see what happens. Don't think that the girl will be impressed by an X-rated monologue for starters!

Latest addition: things out of the "beaten path". Be nice and work your way slowly. If she is not up to it - don't push it. Remember that this is not exactly "natural", and can hurt as hell. Give the girl time to be totally comfortable with you, make her confident that she can trust you with her body, and watch the results. Apparently lots of lube and little persuasion might do it. After all what wouldn't girls do for guys if guys know which buttons to push? Then again, some girls don't, period. Respect it. (I would like to bring to your attention that this part was submitted over a phone by a female friend who refused to be named here.)

Hijacked addition: check the update on Midget's little warning post with regards to BJ. All I can add is this: the more - the better, and it goes both ways. If you want it, you've got to give it. And another very important point: experimenting is good, but once you manage to get the rythm (you'll know when that happens) stick to it and leave the experiments for later.

Fish has also said something about comfort level. Some girls are ok with anything, some are the "lights off" type. I guess most girls are a little shy to begin with (I said most, not all, Midget) and it takes some time to get them comfortable enough to relax and just go with the flow. I think it applies for both parties, by the way.

:^)