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    Tennis
    26 July 2006
    I am a lawyer who likes lawyer jokes

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty...

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh....

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around
    8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

    posted by Bravecat @ 2:59 pm  
    11 Comments:
    • At 26/07/2006, 15:27, Blogger Bandarof said…

      Ve bought a new wolwo this veek using our woodoo techniques. and ve took it to the driwe in mowies

       
    • At 26/07/2006, 15:32, Blogger Qatar Cat said…

      Bazza,

      No more 'shrooms for you...

       
    • At 26/07/2006, 16:56, Blogger don_veto said…

      I have a lawyer joke,

      What would you get if a boat filled with 50,000 lawyers sank?

      Answer: A good start.

      PS

      No offence to any lawyers, Attorneys and Magistrates reading this, it's just a joke.

       
    • At 27/07/2006, 00:34, Blogger Mise said…

      Hey Cat...any more 'shrooms left? ...I've got the flu :-(

      but I've still got the energy for a lawyer joke...

      Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

      To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service. :-P

       
    • At 27/07/2006, 11:27, Blogger Qatar Cat said…

      Don Veto,

      None taken, lol, it's a good one! :P

      Mise,

      Are you sure 'shrooms will cure... oh oh I am talking in rhymes! Yay!

      Great joke by the way. Share more!!

       
    • At 28/07/2006, 08:07, Blogger Lost in trance... said…

      here's one: howdyu make out if there was a dead snake on the road or a dead lawyer? there'd b skid marks if it was a snake.

      someone had given me a 101 lawyer jokes way bak, thisz one i remember :)

       
    • At 28/07/2006, 14:08, Blogger Qatar Cat said…

      L&F,

      Haha yeah ok this is actually quite mean! But I love it too :P

       
    • At 29/07/2006, 19:29, Blogger Flous said…

      some of those were hilarious, i especially like the last one. I love sarcasm, it really amuses me! ur a lawyer? hmm.. i think i'm gonna be reading ur posts in a different light now. great jokes tho =)

       
    • At 29/07/2006, 19:50, Blogger Qatar Cat said…

      Flous,

      And what light would that be? :P

       
    • At 30/07/2006, 00:02, Blogger Flous said…

      the light of a lawyer i guess :P
      lawyers r usually dodgy characters (no offence) so i'm gonna read it with that in mind! :D hehe j/k
      u do peresnt very good arguments so i guess its not surprising ur a lawyer :)

       
    • At 30/07/2006, 01:05, Blogger Qatar Cat said…

      Flous,

      Haha I love a good, constructive argument. And of course I am a dodgy character, haven't you realised that yet? :P

       
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